Why Parents Need Personal Goals Too

Last spring, I ran into an old friend at a neighborhood block party — someone I hadn't seen in a few years. After the usual hellos, he asked, "So what are you up to these days? What's exciting in your world?"

I talked about Cataleya's reading progress. I talked about Enzo's football. I mentioned the family calendar system we'd finally gotten working.

He nodded along politely, then asked again: "Yeah, but what about you? What are you into?"

I genuinely didn't know what to say. Not because nothing interesting was happening in my life, but because I'd stopped tracking it. Somewhere between school pickups and bedtime negotiations and weekend logistics, I had quietly stopped thinking of myself as a person with goals — and started thinking of myself only as a parent with responsibilities.

That conversation stuck with me longer than I expected.

How It Happens (and Why It's Not Your Fault)

There's a particular kind of drift that happens after you become a parent. It's not dramatic. You don't wake up one day and decide to give up on your own ambitions. It just happens — gradually, reasonably, in service of people you love.

Early on, you cut things back because you have a newborn and survival is the goal. Then you cut back a little more because there's a toddler and the logistics are intense. Then you blink and your kids are 6 and 9 and you've been in "just get through the week" mode for so long that it's just... your mode.

It makes sense. Parenting genuinely is consuming. But "it makes sense" and "it's good for you" aren't the same thing.

Why This Actually Matters (For Your Kids Too)

Here's the part that took me a while to accept: having personal goals isn't something you do despite being a parent. It's something you do because you're one.

When Cataleya sees me reading for 20 minutes before dinner, she sees reading as something adults choose to do. When Enzo knows I'm training for a 5K, he asks me about my times the way he asks me about his. When I'm visibly working toward something — not just managing the household — I'm showing them what an adult life can look like.

And there's another piece: parents who feel like whole people tend to be better company. Not because they're more relaxed or less stressed necessarily, but because they have something to bring to the table besides logistics and worry. The version of me that had a book I was excited about was more present at dinner than the version of me running on nothing but to-do lists.

That might sound counterintuitive — like adding one more thing would make you more scattered. In practice, it often works the other way.

What "Personal Goals" Actually Looks Like

I want to be clear that I'm not talking about a side hustle, a marathon, or learning a new language in three months. I'm talking about something small enough to fit in your actual life.

For me, right now, personal goals look like:

• Reading one book a month — not parenting books, just something I want to read
• Running twice a week — 30 minutes, nothing heroic
• Writing regularly — which led, eventually, to this blog

That's it. None of those things require major sacrifices. They require some intention, some protection of a little bit of time, and the willingness to take yourself seriously enough to follow through.

The goal doesn't have to be impressive. It just has to be yours.

Starting Without Overhauling Your Life

If you've been in "pure parent mode" for a while, the idea of adding personal goals can feel like one more pressure you don't need. So here's how I'd actually approach it:

Pick one thing. Not a list. One thing that you've been meaning to get back to or that genuinely interests you. A skill, a hobby, a project, a fitness goal — whatever it is.

Make it embarrassingly small at first. The goal isn't to prove anything. It's to reestablish the habit of having a goal. Ten minutes of something is better than zero.

Tell someone. Not to be accountable in a high-stakes way, but because saying it out loud makes it real. I told my partner I was going to start running again. That was enough.

Don't require perfect conditions. You won't have uninterrupted time, ideal energy, or a quiet house. That's just parenting. Work with what you have.

Expect it to feel weird at first. Prioritizing yourself — even a little — can feel selfish if you've spent years not doing it. That feeling usually passes pretty quickly once you start seeing results.

You're Still in There

Here's what I actually believe, having thought about this a lot: kids don't need you to be endlessly available. They need you to be fully present when you're with them — and that's easier when you're not running on empty.

Having something that's yours — a goal, a project, something you're working toward — isn't a departure from being a good parent. It's part of it.

The next time someone asks what's exciting in your world, I hope you have an answer that includes you.